The Unicorn Field Guide

I know you’ve been waiting a long time for this, and it’s finally here!!

The Unicorn Field Guide



Unicorns of the Thermos-Heating Variety:

Most unicorns serve useful purposes in society. This particular unicorn benefits society in two ways:

1.       It keeps things in thermoses warm

2.       It eliminates the necessity for physics to be needed to explain why thermoses are able to keep things warm

If getting rid of physics isn’t enough for you, you’ll be glad to know that this is only the beginning of the capabilities of unicorn magic.

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Unicorns that Serve as Artists:

These abstract-looking unicorns have the ability to both inspire artists and to create art themselves. They are surprisingly able to function in normal unicorn society despite their strange appearance because all the other unicorns appreciate their creativity. Without these awkwardly-shaped creatures, the realms of the unicorns would be drab and colorless. Actually, there just wouldn’t be any unrecognizable sculptures or random paint splatters…

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Gusty, the Unicorn of Pure Awesomeness:

Gusty is a one-of-a-kind unicorn from 1984, and is actually famous! She has appeared on television and also on video. Oddly enough for a superstar, she has a very awkward voice.

Naturally, her horn has magical powers, and with it she can control gusts of wind. She has used this power to trap rainbow-colored raindrops in a barrel, and, more recreationally, to play polo with her friends.

In a more modern setting, she spends her time looking pretty on my shelf and making people smile!

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Math-Altering Unicorns: The Lepers of Unicorn Society:

Although these unicorns look sickly, they’re actually just ugly. When first discovered, it was observed that all other varieties of unicorns relentlessly shun and taunt this poor creature.

These unicorns seem to deserve our collective pity. In truth, they deserve the mistreatment, for they have the most terrible of all powers: the ability to alter mathematics.

You know when you’re solving a math problem, and suddenly you are stuck and don’t know what to do? Or maybe when you go to check an answer with a friend, but you realize that you have done the whole problem wrong? You have just been victimized by these cruel math-altering unicorns.

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The Unicorns that Serve as Artists are off bullying the Math-Altering Unicorns, so please enjoy this cute little closing doodle.

I Like People Who Like Eating People

Here's an emoticon for zombies.

And one for people who are friends with zombies.

And one for people who are friends with people who are friends with zombies.

Happy Honorary Birthday Mariney!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINEY!! YOU’RE THE BESTEST!

Fun Fact: Marine’s Honorary Birthday is celebrated on the 29^th of February, so she only has to have one every four years.

Despite this, I have way too many ideas for birthday presents for Marine to wait four years between them. So mostly I celebrate it on the 28^th.

Well, it’s coming down to the last minute and I’m having a hard time getting a gift. These things are on the top of my list for Marine, but for some reason I can’t find any of them in stores…

A bottle of 100% Grade A fairy dust:

Cool Blogodactyl stickers (aka shameless advertising) to leave in random places or on unsuspecting passersby:

A robot that does your homework:

A copy of the world-renowned, age-old book, The Unicorn Field Guide:

Since I couldn’t find any of that, I decided to make this pretty cool poster out of Pokémon card wrappers.

Remember—it’s the thought that counts! …Right?

Alie Actually Likes Pancakes More

Haiku Time

You can't see my eyes

For today, I am a mop

I need a haircut

The Amazon Wonder Dolphin

Does your life have problems? Solve them TODAY with the one and only...

AMAZON WONDER DOLPHIN!!

How can a simple, pink river dolphin improve your life?

This wondrous creature will EAT. YOUR. ENEMIES.



Other Things Your Dolphin Will Eat:

assorted cheeses,

people who like physics,

donuts,

people who don't like Suicunes,

split ends,

krill,

pizza,

typos,

mold and other harmful substances, and last but certainly not least

Europe (you can't prove it exists anyway)

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Order within the next five minutes and Blogodactyl will give you absolutely nothing extra!


Kthanksbye.

Reasons Why You Should Love Kakapos

Kakapos are green parrots from New Zealand. They are close to extinction; there are only 120 alive today. Also, they are too fat to fly. Personally, I love fat animals, so this automatically makes them winners in my eyes. But can you honestly say that you don't find it full of overwhelming cuteness that a bird is too fat for its wings to support it? No. You can't.

In addition to their fatness, the noise a kakapo makes is called a skraak. It is the most awkwardly adorable thing I've ever heard. It doesn't even sound like it should be coming from a bird. I mean the word skraak is awkward enough on its own, but once you heard the noise a kakapo makes, you'll understand why. It's fantastic.

My main goal in life is to one day hug a kakapo. I don't think the kakapo would enjoy it as much as I would, but a girl can still dream, can't she?