Conspiracy Theories

Hello kids, and welcome to today's lesson! This time, we will be discussing the controversial topic of Europe! Does it exist? Or is it just a fantasy created by the government for the purpose of filling our heads with false history and stealing our money?!

To uncover the truth, I hopped on the next flight to Italy.

The only way to know for sure if Europe exists is to see it with your own eyes from the air (assuming you can trust the airplane windows to actually show what's outside), so that's exactly what I set out to do. I planned to look out the plane window periodically during the 8.5 hour flight, and look for the following telltale signs of conspiracy:

1. Flying in circles over the same area (to stall for time)

2. Landing on a small, secluded island decorated with Italian things

3. Not landing on a large, Europe-shaped landmass

Unfortunately, I encountered an unexpected problem: nighttime.

(Bonus points if you can identify the planets!)

It was impossible to see anything out of the window other than blackness for most of the flight, and, many hours later, I had landed in Italy (or "Italy") without a single aerial view.

The rest of my search proved just as fruitless, as I found no concrete proof that I was actually in Europe and not on some secret island. As much as I tried to enjoy the remainder of the trip, I couldn't get the suspicions out of my head. It seems that the mystery of the existence of Europe remains unsolved.

Well played, Government. Well played.

Pie Charts and Pi Charts

Hopefully more than 17% of you will find these as entertaining as I do.

I calculated these percentages using logarithms, in case you were wondering.

Haiku Time Pt 3

Anglerfish are fun

But don't play the game they play

They want to eat you

Secret Message of Awesome

Marine and I have hidden a secret message for you in the following image. Have fun!

Haiku Time Pt 2

I like Pokémon

Meganium, Frenzy Plant!

"That move is stupid."



The Unicorn Field Guide

I know you’ve been waiting a long time for this, and it’s finally here!!

The Unicorn Field Guide



Unicorns of the Thermos-Heating Variety:

Most unicorns serve useful purposes in society. This particular unicorn benefits society in two ways:

1.       It keeps things in thermoses warm

2.       It eliminates the necessity for physics to be needed to explain why thermoses are able to keep things warm

If getting rid of physics isn’t enough for you, you’ll be glad to know that this is only the beginning of the capabilities of unicorn magic.

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Unicorns that Serve as Artists:

These abstract-looking unicorns have the ability to both inspire artists and to create art themselves. They are surprisingly able to function in normal unicorn society despite their strange appearance because all the other unicorns appreciate their creativity. Without these awkwardly-shaped creatures, the realms of the unicorns would be drab and colorless. Actually, there just wouldn’t be any unrecognizable sculptures or random paint splatters…

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Gusty, the Unicorn of Pure Awesomeness:

Gusty is a one-of-a-kind unicorn from 1984, and is actually famous! She has appeared on television and also on video. Oddly enough for a superstar, she has a very awkward voice.

Naturally, her horn has magical powers, and with it she can control gusts of wind. She has used this power to trap rainbow-colored raindrops in a barrel, and, more recreationally, to play polo with her friends.

In a more modern setting, she spends her time looking pretty on my shelf and making people smile!

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Math-Altering Unicorns: The Lepers of Unicorn Society:

Although these unicorns look sickly, they’re actually just ugly. When first discovered, it was observed that all other varieties of unicorns relentlessly shun and taunt this poor creature.

These unicorns seem to deserve our collective pity. In truth, they deserve the mistreatment, for they have the most terrible of all powers: the ability to alter mathematics.

You know when you’re solving a math problem, and suddenly you are stuck and don’t know what to do? Or maybe when you go to check an answer with a friend, but you realize that you have done the whole problem wrong? You have just been victimized by these cruel math-altering unicorns.

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The Unicorns that Serve as Artists are off bullying the Math-Altering Unicorns, so please enjoy this cute little closing doodle.

I Like People Who Like Eating People

Here's an emoticon for zombies.

And one for people who are friends with zombies.

And one for people who are friends with people who are friends with zombies.